In Stereo

3/11/2011 - Sterotactic Biopsy.  The instruction sheet says, "you will be asked to lie flat on your stomach on a mammogram table and place the breast in question through a special opening in the table".  Evokes a strange image.  Trust me, the reality is stranger.  The sheet also says, "the entire procedure takes about one hour and requires that you lie very still with your head turned to one side."  Did I mention that at the Comprehensive Breast Center, one hour = three hours?  Special mammogram table = incredibly uncomfortable stainless table that smashes your breast between mammogram plates which are incredibly awkward to position and get the target in place.  (Yes, your breasts now have targets.) This requires a lot of manipulating, smashing, and re-smashing.  The part the instruction sheet doesn't tell you is that they raise you up on hydraulics and work underneath like they are changing your oil.  The sheet also does not mention that with each sample, there is a loud snapping noise followed by a hoover noise, because your breast is literally being vacuumed during the procedure.  Every time they do anything they take a mammogram image during which your job is to "stop breathing".  The end result is a bunch of samples from each breast that look roughly like worms.  The procedure was a bit of an ordeal, despite the heated gown and personal locker.  Lost some blood.  Went home feeling trashed, wrapped up in an ace bandage, armed with ice packs.  Got a call at home with the core biopsy results from Wednesday's procedure.  Lump and axillary nodes are cancer.