I've decided I'm anxious and a bit on edge. This morning on the way to work my gas light went on. This is really something very manageable, but it honestly made me want to scream. I wondered to myself if the gas light would be good justification for a nervous breakdown. I quickly decided against it, because I have too much work to do. I wish I could say that this work had to do with something altruistic, charitable, some difference I've yet to make, or even something selfish related to something I want to for my family. It's not. It's regular old work as in get up, go to work, put forth as much energy as possible, do the best you can with what you have, rinse and repeat. I'm grateful for work for the obvious reasons, but I guess the added benefit is that the demands help me to say no to the mental break which seems so tempting sometimes.
A number of people have called me strong. I don't even know what this means. Don't get me wrong. I really appreciate the encouragement and support. I just have a hard time taking any credit for doing the only things that can be done. I have a hard time with seeing any of this as optional. So no, I don't think I'm any stronger than anyone else with the same advantages and limitations. I might be a little more practical than some, or maybe more pre-occupied with keeping the wheels on, or if I'm being totally self aware (which incidentally is over rated in my opinion), maybe I'm more controlling. I would not say that any of this makes me strong. If I thought for a minute that I could just buckle and that someone else would pick up the pieces, I would completely freak out the next time my gas tank is on empty.
No comments:
Post a Comment